The BEcoming of a Spiritual Maverick (true story)
I remember the first “real” question I ever asked The Universe…
I can see the moment clearly in my mind, just as if it was yesterday. Laying in the big field on our farm, pulling the heads off dandelions and rolling around in search of the ever elusive four leaf clover, asking them “Where do you come from”?
“Where do I come from?” Where do We All come from?
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been in search of that bigger part of me that I knew existed. That thing that grown ups were calling God, as they pointed to the heavens, labeling me a sinner, and condemning me to hell should I decide to veer from the path of all that was holy. I wasn’t buying it. It went against everything I had come to know about myself so far. Even as a child, I knew that there was love within my heart, and that is what would guide me.
As soon as I could pedal a bike, I began sneaking off on Sunday mornings, and finding my way into one of the churches that scattered the streets of the small Vermont town I grew up in, trying out all the different denominations without a preconceived judgement about any of them, recognizing each one was different, but they all shared one common message…
If you don’t do what we say, you’re going to hell. (and it’s REALLY HOT there!)
At a young age I’ve got to tell you, this scared the shit out of me! And I believe it was in that moment, that I made a commitment to myself to discover the truth.
My truth.
When I was 6 years old, my oldest sister started calling me the Holy Roller of the family, because I would go out in search of different Sunday Schools and ask to go to Vacation bible camps in search of the something more I could feel calling me, hoping to find a message that resonated with what I felt to be true in my heart.
The only ones who seemed to really understand me were the animals in the barnyard, and so I would spend hours with them, in deep imaginary conversation, contemplating this thing called “Life”. What did it all mean? What are we made of and Why are we here?
What no one knew, was that I was hiding a secret.
The little girl that was searching high and low, looking to find anything that resembled the love that she knew in her heart existed… was being molested by the hired man that worked on her grandfather’s farm.
She began to believe she was unlovable, unworthy, ugly, and that she was going to Hell. Those beliefs stayed with her through her adult life, they were right there through her two failed marriages, and they rolled with her down through the tunnel of despair. Which is where she stayed for years, until she found herself in a reality that brought her to her knees.
There was no one left to blame, no one to save her, and no where to go….
In that moment, the little girl I used to be started asking questions of the Universe once again, and the woman I wanted to become made a commitment to find the answers.
My question was “WHY!” Why do some people succeed in life and some don’t? Why are some able to find happiness and I’m not? What makes me different from them?
Why does my life look like this?
Those questions launched me onto the path of self discovery, and traveling the mindgrowing journey of Who I Really Am. Maybe you’ve been asking your own questions to the Universe?
It feels like I have spent my life on an endless quest in search of the divine connection to spiritual self and finally found it when I found myself homeless, in despair and in a state of fear that had me paralyzed with self doubt, UNTIL…
I stopped looking outside of myself for someone to save me, and learned how to go within and saved myself.
That moment of surrender, allowed me to receive the divine love I had been searching for my entire life, but it wasn’t until Life knocked me down to my knees, that I was able to find it.
Awakening to that divine place there within me, changed the way I see myself, my life and those around me, AND it feels a whole lot better than the feeling of despair that used to call “my life” Home.
The good news is… We ALL have access to divine support, and you don’t have to wait as long as I did to tune in to it. You are divine by design, and so much more powerful than you think.
You are not on this journey alone.
Let’s Talk.
-Stephanie Kathan #SpriitualMaverick #EnergyWorksWITHMe
Energetic Reset with Stephanie Kathan 